Performance anxiety

It's very normal to experience some anxiety or stress about sex. Many adolescents in primary school think most people begin to have sex with others before primary school ends. However, it's not that simple; sex is diverse and is much more than just intercourse.

But when it comes to intercourse, about 75% of teenagers in 10th grade in Iceland have never had sexual intercourse. It is most common for young people to 'sleep together' for the first time when they are in upper secondary school.

However, many have experienced some sexual activities, either by themselves or with another person, such as masturbation, oral sex, touching breasts, stimulating, kissing, licking, or sucking the other person's genitals. People have different desires, what they feel comfortable doing, and with whom.

EVERY PERSON MUST DECIDE WHAT THEY WANT AND DON'T WANT TO DO

When it comes to sexual activities with another person, it's good to have thought about what you want to do, what excites you, and how far you're willing to go. Many feel a bit of stress before engaging in sexual experiences with others. Many worry about doing something wrong, and that's normal. But keep in mind:

  • What matters most is that you're doing what you want to do and you are completely sure the other person wants the same. That's why you have to talk to each other.
  • It's okay to say "I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing" or "I'm a bit stressed."
  • To know exactly what to do, it's best to ask, listen to the answer, and express what you want. E.g.

- Do you prefer it when we just make out, or do you like a little tongue and some kisses without tongue?

- Can I put my hand inside your underpants? Would you like me to pleasure you?

- Do you like it when I kiss your nipples? Is it better if I do something else?

- I really like it when you go a bit slower.

  • Don't compare yourself to what you've seen in pornography or online; it's unrealistic and exaggerated.
  • Some worry that their genitalia do not look right, that they don't know the correct techniques or positions, or what to do. Try to breathe easily and enjoy what you're doing; there's no manual that says what is right or wrong in sex.
  • Your genitals are perfectly fine just as they are, and they can all enjoy sexual activity in some way.
  • You don't need to know any positions or techniques. Just try things out and be proactive in asking and communicating with each other. You will figure this out, don't worry. No one is a master at sex the first time (nor even the tenth time).
  • If you're feeling very stressed, just stop and try again later. You can stop at any time.

Many fear that they will be talked about not performing well enough or that they have done or said something wrong. It's highly inappropriate to speak ill of one's sexual partner. Always make an effort to respect the people you engage in any kind of sexual activity with and expect the same in return. Sex comes in many forms, people may have different sexual compatibility, and that is perfectly fine. Mistakes can happen in sex, it can be awkward and funny. But sex should NEVER be hurtful or humiliating!

Breathe easy, everything will be alright.