First time

Adolescents often wonder when the first time will be and how someone knows when they're ready.

It's good to keep in mind that sex is many things and not just about a penis in a vagina. Some people never engage in that type of sex but indeed have their first sexual experience with someone else, it's just different. Sometimes there are two vaginas, sometimes two penises, and sometimes people want to do anything but put the penis in the vagina. The first time can be many things, such as the first lick, cuddling naked together, pleasuring another person, oral sex, or intercourse.

Before having your first sexual experience with someone else, it's good to think:

  • Have I thought about what I want to do and what I don't want?
  • Do I feel in my heart and body that I'm ready for this and I'm doing it because I WANT to?
  • Do I trust the other person to treat me well and to respect me and my boundaries?
  • Do I respect the other person and want them to feel good?
  • Is there consent from both parties?
  • Do I dare to talk about what I want and need?
  • Do I dare to ask the other person what they need and want?
  • Can I set boundaries for others, do I dare to say no?
  • Have I decided which contraceptives or STI protections I want to use?
  • Have I thought about what I will say or do after the sexual act is over? (Am I going to hug and cuddle? Stand up and leave? Ask the other person how they feel?) Remember, courtesy and respect are signs of good character.
  • Do I know where to turn if something comes up?

Often the most stress or anxiety is related to intercourse, if for example we're talking about heterosexual couples. Then, it can be good to take your time with foreplay, kissing, caressing each other's bodies, and making sure both the penis is erect and the vagina is wet. If the vagina does not become wet, intercourse can be difficult and uncomfortable. High stress can affect the genitals, and if they're not ready, it's nice to just kiss a little longer, enjoy lying together and cuddling until the bodies relax more. If things aren't going well or one partner feels uncomfortable, it's always okay to stop.

Remember, there's no rush; 75% of 10th graders in Iceland have not had intercourse with others. Some start early, but it's most common to have intercourse for the first time after entering secondary school. If everything is as it should be, you can have sex throughout your life if you want. Many grandmothers and grandfathers have great sex, so you see, there is plenty of time.