Older adults and abuse

The relationship with the abuser can often be complicated

You may have been in an abusive relationship for many years, whether you are married, cohabiting, or in another living arrangement.

You may not want to rock the boat, or you might simply lack the energy to face such significant changes. You might fear that encouraging the abuser to seek help could trigger further harm. Worrying about how your family will react if you separate or break ties is also common.

Key statistics on domestic abuse and older adults

• One in six individuals over the age of 60 has experienced some form of abuse.
• Only about 4% of domestic abuse cases involving older adults as victims are ever reported.
• Older adults experiencing abuse are less likely to leave their abusers than younger victims.
• Barely 30% of older adults who experience sexual abuse report the crime.

Health and caregivers

Underlying health issues can leave older adults more vulnerable, increasing their risk of domestic abuse.

Your health may be declining.

You may depend on your spouse or other close family members for help with basic tasks. Your spouse or family members might use this dependence to abuse you.

Caring for an older adult who is unwell can be stressful. This stress can cause someone with no history of abusive behavior to lose patience and lash out at the person in their care. In other cases, someone who has never been abusive becomes aggressive after falling ill themselves. This sometimes applies to individuals living with dementia.

Generational attitudes

You may have grown up believing that what happens behind closed doors is a private matter not to be discussed with others.

Domestic abuse and available resources were rarely discussed in the past.

Many older victims are unaware of the support available to them because these services either did not exist or were heavily stigmatized when they were younger.

Remember, it is never too late to seek help. Click to read information about support for victims

What are the effects of domestic abuse?

Domestic abuse carries severe consequences for victims. Older adults are in a particularly vulnerable position, as they may be more sensitive to physical and emotional harm, have reduced physical strength, and typically take longer to recover than younger victims.

As a victim, you may experience significant stress, dysphoria, and loneliness, which can exacerbate existing health conditions and negatively affect cognitive function and physical ability.

If you are experiencing abuse, it is vital to seek help and support as soon as possible to protect your health.

Taking the first steps can be difficult. Those living with abuse are often exhausted, frightened, and holding out hope that things will improve. These feelings are entirely normal, and everyone who provides support and counseling understands them well; no one will blame you for not acting sooner.

You have the right to live in a safe environment. You have the right to use the resources available to you.

Nothing excuses abusive behavior.

Types of abuse

Several types of abuse are described below, though the list is not exhaustive.

Physical violence

Physical abuse involves attacks such as hitting, pushing, beating, kicking, or choking. The abuse often results in physical injuries and visible marks, though not always.

For example:

Sigurður and Jónína have lived together for a long time. According to her, he has always had a short temper, but when Jónína was recovering from hip surgery and could no longer look after him, he became frequently angry, hitting and kicking her whenever he felt she was being too slow.

Psychological abuse

Psychological abuse can include intimidation, humiliation, threats, the silent treatment, and isolation from family and friends. Psychological abuse can cause severe emotional harm. Psychological abuse leaves no visible marks.

For example:

Apinya is originally from Thailand. She lives with her daughter and her daughter's family. Her son-in-law, Tómas, is kind and attentive toward Apinya when others are around, but cruel and hostile when they are alone. He calls her an old rice-eater, mocks her Icelandic, and belittles everything she does.

Neglect

Neglect occurs when someone's basic needs go unmet. These essentials include adequate nutrition, shelter, safety, and help with personal hygiene.

For example:

Sunna lived alone, but as she got older she began to struggle with self-care, frequently forgetting to eat and drink enough fluids. Her son and his wife invited Sunna to move in so they could help her with daily activities. However, the couple worked long hours and were rarely home, leaving Sunna largely on her own. One day, they returned from work to find Sunna unconscious on the living room floor. They took her to a doctor, who determined she was severely malnourished.

Sexual abuse

Sexual abuse includes rape and any other sexual contact that occurs without consent.

For example:

Stefán's health has declined significantly in recent years. His hearing is no longer sharp, he moves slowly, and he needs help with daily tasks. He often struggles to follow conversations, and people do not always understand him. Stefán lives at home, receiving support from professional caregivers and his cousin. His cousin sexually harasses him, groping his genitals and forcing him to touch hers. Due to his health, Stefán is unable to give consent and has difficulty asking for help. When he tries to report the abuse, people either struggle to understand him or dismiss his claims as nonsense.

Financial abuse

Financial abuse or exploitation can include theft, fraud, spending a victim's money without consent, denying a victim access to their finances, and forging signatures.

For example:

Jóna lives alone in her own home. Her oldest grandchild helps her run errands she finds difficult, such as grocery shopping and visiting the bank. Jóna gave the grandchild access to her online bank and electronic ID to pay bills and withdraw grocery money. Months later, when Jóna needed cash, she discovered her grandchild had been regularly transferring large sums into their own account, draining Jóna's savings.

Click to read more about financial abuse

What can be done to reduce the risk of abuse

No one should have to live with abuse or fear becoming a victim.

What can you do?

• Maintain strong relationships with family and friends.
• Build connections with your service providers to make it easier to ask for support or counseling if needed.
• Take steps to make sure your finances are in order.

Perpetrators

Could you be committing abuse?

Do any of the following describe how you treat a partner, an older relative, or someone in your care?

• Have you screamed at or called an older adult names?
• Have you threatened them with violence?
• Have you humiliated them?
• Have you pushed, hit, or physically restrained an older adult?
• Have you pressured an older adult into taking part in unwanted sexual acts?
• Do you have access to an older adult's finances and are you misusing it?
• Do you try to keep them from having contact with other people?
• Have you prevented someone from visiting the doctor without you?

Click to read information for people who have committed abuse.